still not going great

I am trying to look for something positive to say and struggling. last week i had a phone call appointment with GP to discuss his sleeping habits or lack of them! as suggested by CAMHS i asked for stronger sleeping tablets, well because he is under 16 they won't give him sleeping tablets, only anti allergy ones with drowsiness side effects and these new ones are absolutely crap. he hasn't had more thab 2 hours sleep a night for over a week. this means he is super bad tempered. he says he is trying to sleep, and i believe him he looks exhausted but he is anxious about so much that he can't sleep. well i know how he feels!I don't really know who to turn to next, i will have to try GP again. one thing that has got teen really excited is his growth spurt, he is getting noticably taller at the moment, he must be heading towards 6ft now, i am going to buy a tape measure so we can find out is height!

the perfect storm

teen was sent home from school yesterday very very badly soiled. there are triggers which bring on soiling episodes and they all seem to have come together at the moment to cause him to be unwell, i am trying my best to support him and be positive to get through this period. TRIGGERS 1. cold, when its very cold or damp he tends to soil worse and its been a very nippy spell recently. keeping heating turned up and lots of warm drinks and food available. 2. stress. teen is worrying nhimself about lots of things, moving house, and not wanting to change schools but at same time not wanting to stay here, GCSE's he is worried he is going to fail when he knows he could pass if he hadn't missed so much school, he has a science exam tomorrow. and added to that really worrying about nhis soiling, whether it will ever get better, people at school noticing and hows it will effect his future. i am trying my best to reassure him, but he admits these things keep going over in his head preventing him from sleeping. 3 lack of sleep. between the worrying and the neighbours partying teen has really struggled to sleep. luckily he has had a really good sleep now., he fell asleep at 3pm yesterday, and other to get up for a shower at 4am, when he chatted about his worries, he then went back to sleep and is still sleeping now. so thats nearly 18 hours. i am trying to establish a good bedtime routine and get teen to stick to the rules, but he also knows i am here to share his worries with if he needs me. nothing i can do about neighbours, and although i want to assure him about move and trying to stay local for school that may prove out of my hands. i am going to keep him off school today and help him revise for his exam in morning but will have to discuss with school whether he can resit or alternatives so he doesn't feel like he has failed.

long poorly week

well teens been poorly all week with his soiling, tummy cramps etc. the cold always seems to make him worse. doesn't help we seem to live in coldest house ever. even with central heating on inside of his windows had ice on today, its carp build that does it. hopefully we will move soon! his sleeping pattern has gone again, firstly due to having to get up and shower and change in night and then friday night our dear neighbours had an all night party which really disturbed the whole house and put us all out of sorts. but on the whole his behaviour has beeen very good, i have stuck to my must be in room and stay there from 10pm, which has meant he may be awake but at least i get some sleep, and he has caught up on some sleep during days, being off school and weekend, you have to get in bed to keep warm!! i am pleased as last night i said at 9.45 thats it time to go up now he went up with very little complaint, okay so he stayed awake until 3am but without the violent outbursts i can cope a lot better. and today he has gone off to school without to much problem, only moaning about the cold, but so was i!

at home

well teen came home from school monday lunchtime, soil running down his legs. i felt parental guilt for forcing him to go to school when he said he was unwell because i was just trying to prove a point the he couldn't miss school whenever he felt like friday. off tuesday as well but seems to be getting better so fingers crossed for today!

still not gone

well hes been out and back 3 times now, i expect if he hadn't not gone friday and was behaving a bit better i would let him stay at home and dose up on medication to clear out his bowels but he really needs to do this evenings and weekend which he won't so i am still determined to get him to school, even through the soiling is very bad, coming through his trousers, hes changing at moment.

short lived relief

teen has just come back home. he says he has cramps and is soiled but i am determined after a trip to the bathroom he will be going to school to stay.

title

been thinking more and more about the title BADTEENMUM, i don't want people to read it as i am the mum of a bad teen, but its half of one and half a dozen of the other, my parenting skills need improving, especailly patience and teen needs to adjust/manage his temper

good (ish) night

well i finally lost the battle of keeping teen awake at 5pm, he slept until 1 am then woke me and his sister up at 1 am and again at 2.20am just to annoy, and let us know he was awake. then i woke him at 7.30am, he says he didn't really sleep but i think he did although his getting ready for school has been really bad tempered this morning at least he has gone.so i get a day without him to relax my head and calm me down then tonight i am going to restart bedtime routines!

trying to keep us awake

well teen woke the household, street and village up before 8, job done he went to bed! i have let him sleep until 11am then insist he gets up i will let him be lazy but only if he stays awake, then i will try to get him to sleep around nine tonight so he is bright and ready for school. i have worked out in 120 hrs since tuesday he has slept, 0/24 day 1, 6/24 day 2, 2/24 day 3,16/24 day 4 and 6/24 day 5, he really needs to get his sleep pattern back on track. i think several things need to be achieved. 1. he needs to get out and about more, eg with friends groups etc 2. have moved and will keep PC out of his room 3. needs to attend school everyday for routine 4. needs to be assured that even with forthcoming move we will retain stability, hope not to have to change school but re housing may make this neccessary. 5. move to 3 bed ASAP, so we all once again have our own space, both teen and i need this. 6. persist in a bedtime routine even when he won't stick to it, eg PC/TV off, shower, ipod/books in bedroom by ten on school nights

another exhausting night

unfortunatly the sleeping tablets didn't have desired effect. by 11.45pm teen has been up twice and gives up sleeping now to watch dvds and eat. every hour from now on he comes up to disturb me on one pretext or another. i think he is bored / lonely/tired. but i just want to sleep. he raids kitchen at 2.30am, at 4.50am has shower and by 7am is itching to interact more with someone. so i am woken up, dog is wound up etc. ends up with me telling him to be quiet, he shouts and throws a chair. great on a sunday morning for neighbours. so teen is now on computer, i am up and dog is really wound up, great mood to start a relaxing sunday in. all my hopes for a refreshing, relaxing sleep last night were dashed. i have a really bad headache. i don't know what else to do to help teen get a full and proper nights sleep, or at least leave me , his sister and dog alone all night so we can get much needed sleep. i will have to try and cope with another day by counting to 10 and staying calm.

great day

well amazingly after earlier moodys we are out and at bus stop before 9am. and we have a great day, spend most of morning just me and teen. bus to portishead, then breakfast treat for teen in macdonalds then a lovely walk along marina and harbour chatting joking and taking photos on way to alex. teen remains in an upbeat mood all day joining in with teasing me and alex and staying in a great humour. why can't it always be like this?? we have a brilliant time and teen is open about his feelings and his worries. he loves school here and doesn't want to have to change schools when we move, i explain its really out of my hands because we need a 3 bed and hardly any propeterties become available here. home at about 5pm and teen watches dvd's he borrowed from alex. good mood remains although very tired, well he has been up since 3 am! at eight i give him his sleeping tablets from doctor and he is asleep by half past. off to bed to enjoy for me!

no lesson learnt

well teen slept until 3am then woke me up, he managed to stay raesonably quiet until about 7am but the became "bored" by 8am he is really winding the dog up and making so much noise, i decide to get ready early to take him out for day. but first i have to physically pull him away from dog who is going mental, although she has bittten teen before, normally sweetest natured but he likes to wind her up, he hasn't learnt his lesson. he reacts very badly to being taking by the shoulder, not hard, and lead out of dogs way. chairs get thrown, doors slammed feet banged. this is all before 8.30am on a saturday. no idea if we will get out now. i have to make myself scarce from him. the biggest stress to me again is the worry the neighbours will complain to the landlord, i really struggle with the idea of eviction, it makes me ill. problem is teen knows this so whenever i try to either discilpline him, get him to do anything, from getting dressed to cleaning his teeth to doing a chore, or go to bed, he kicks off, during the day i can easily ignore it but at night i worry about the little kids sleeping next door and the neighbours reaction, and i just can't let it continue, even through i know the best thing is to ignore it. i was doing very well at ignoring it but teen has discovered i can ignore him but not ignore it when he starts on either his sister or the dog so uses them to get to me, then when i lose it he goes all out on the noise offensive. i truely believe at 14 he should be able to control his behaviour better, in fact i think this is controlling behabviour, unlike the toddler temper tantrums it resembles which are just done out of frustration, teen often appears to act like this on purpose so he gets out of doing anything he doesn't want to do. its alright saying let him take responsibility for what he does, ie getting to school, cleaning his teeth etc but some things need to be done otherwise its not fare on others/dog etc. and it effects whole family life. why should every day in our house be dictated by teen because he thinks he can cause such a commotion he can get away with it. its driven the other kids to leave home at the first oppourtunity and when they need support now and move back like my daughter teen is still a major obstacle between me and teem.

no school

well two hours are past, teen has banged his feet like a two year old toddler having a moody for most of them and i have now admitted defeat. i have spoken with school he will be dealt with by them next week

no positive movement

well 45 minutes have past and we have progressed no more,teen is still wearing his towel, school has started, the only behaviour we have had is lots of very loud feet banging, just waiting for my eviction notice now, something else to stress me out.

In half an hour

in the past 30 minutes i have got teen out of bed, this involved lots of nagging, texting julie his school support woker and pretending she called here. it resulted in 20 minutes of banging his glass dvd unit loudly, oh the neighbours must love us. now i have an hour to get him to be convinced he is going to school and get him out of the door

So so so so tired

For the third night in a row teen hasn't slept properly, i have been telling "experts" about his sleep problems since he was born but no one takes me serieously. last night he had a shower at 9pm then went in his room. i was shattered from disturbed previous 2 nights, so bedded down on sofa, we are a room short at present. at 11 pm teen came downstairs with all his bedding and announced he was staying on sofa in front of tv all night. i was so tired didn't put up much resistance and went up to his room.several disturbances later its 3am and the tv is on way to loud and teen is winding dog up. you can tell lack of sleep as behaviour gets worse. so down i come and spend an hour calming him down, remote control smashed in process, lots of back massage.I am stressed by now as not only exhausted but worried about neighbours. at 4.15 am i finally think victory hes snoring, wrong, 5 minutes later hes banging and shouting his way up stairs, another 10 minutes of massage he snoring again so i tiptoe down stairs hoping to grab some sleep on sofa. but its not to be withing 5 mintues teen is headbanging wall,why, well he wants day off school to catch up on missed PC time. i really am worried about the neighbours now as he headbangs wall from 4.30 to 5.30 am when he finally falls asleep. so here i am really wound up and really exhausted fall back asleep adventually to be woken by alarm less than an hour later, now have to face getting teen up and out the door for school. MUST BE STRONG!! as a footnote i called GP late yesterday as could see where this was going and he has prescribed sleeping tablets for teen so at least i should get a good night sleep tonight, they only work for one night then teen gets back into staying up all night and we are back in cycle again leading me to exhaustion, and when exhausted just don't cope with him so well. will try and grab some sleep when he is back at school later!

a lesson learned for both of us, not to push to hard

Last night teen woke up at a quarter to three and needed a shower, so while he showered i fixed his bed and found him fresh clothes. than i went back to bed telling him to do the same, he didn't i found him at six this morning back on the PC. so nicely before he went to school i asked him to bring down his rubbish and pots from night before and clean his teeth otherwise i would move pc out of his room, something i am always threatening but never do! anyway he was to tired so didn't do anything, there fore i spent morning shifting furniture and room around, tidying out two black sacks of rubbish and moving pc into downstairs hall. teen then comes home from school, and he starts, we had an hour of feet banging firstly because i had moved pc, then because i had moved tv and xbox, he now can't play them from his bed but has to make effort to sit in a chair! then because i said no internet access until he had cleaned his teeth and had a shower, he stinks of BO and soil. well its nearly two hours since he came home, hes still not on the PC, still not showered or cleaned his teeth, the neighbours are in a mood with me, size 10 feet banging for an hour is not popular! but i feel i have to stick to my guns so he has to clean teeth and shower before he goes on PC even though its given me a really bad headache again. lets see who wins this battle, surely i have come this far i can't give in now.

washing washing washing

teens soiling is really bad at the moment, that means the washing machine is on constantly, even had it on twice christmas day! problem is not only am i having to wash his many changes of clothes, but his bedding, including fleecy blankets and pillow, several towels a day, he use them to sit on and to dry after his many daily showers, he is pretty good in that he will put a towel on a chair or the sofa before he sits but the smell of soil just lingers everywhere. so every load of washing has to be washed twice and loads of fabric conditioner used to make things smell nice. boxers just don't stand to this intense washing, neither do pjs and trousers so every thing is always worn out, and i struggle to afford to keep replacing, i think he has about 20 pairs of boxers but normal most are somewhere in washing cycle, not so bad on warm sunny days when i can dry on a line but i am struggling now it is winter, rotating clothes on airers, even if i could afford a tumble dryer i couldn't used, imagine the smell , its like toasted soil and isn't pleasant,this is even after the washing procedures. if he didn't receive DLA i don't know how i would afford the costs and time of all the washing and cleaning. at least things are so much easier now we have a shower compared to when he was rlying on several baths a day.

fruit and vegtables

now i know all teens are fussy eaters but my teen is extra fussy, and he really needs to improve his diet as he suffers from chronic constipation and soiling on a daily basis, which i understand isn't fun for a 14 year old. but he refuses to help himself, he has given up as hes been soiling since he was 7 and doesn't see any solution, hes also unwilling to help himself as he knows the medication equals painful intestine cramps. so for 2012 i am going to change the whole families diet, i have a lot of weight to lose anyhow! I have ordered an online shop for saturday full of healthy fruit and veg, lean chicken etc, food i love but teen hates. i am hoping without his usual selection of junk food to tuck into he will have to eat something that resembles healthy but i expect his reaction will be to kick off throw a few things about, at me and cats and storm around the house. i will have to try to take a more optimistic outlook on things maybe that will change his reaction.

Good day

brilliant day today, after staying up all night last night i finally shooed the teen back to school today, following the christmas break. i managed to get most of my housework done, and finally ran the hoover over some of the carpet, bits exposed anyway, in teens room. i am trying to be strong and leave his room a tip so he takes responsibility for tidying up, when he runs out of socks he will probably notice, but its really hard to close his door and ignore! i am itching to get in there and really spring clean but surely at 14 its time he took responsibility himself?? so lets see how long it is before i give in, past experience shows me it will be me not him that breaks!
on the issue of not sleeping he came home from school dead on his feet, but was not in the mood for sleep. at about six i disconnected the internet, bringing on a massive moody, so gave in, worry about the neighbours who have young children being disturbed. but at 7.30 i decided enough, so i spent 20 minutes turning the modem on and off remotely, after much cursing of virgin, our broadband provider, he'ed had enough and fell into bed to sulk within two minutes he was snoring loudly!! i feel like a mini victory to me as he wanted to stay up "to at least 11". now i will use the next few days to get his sleeping under a much better pattern, although friday night will roll round and he will want to stay up all night again, virgin may just be on the blink this weekend!
i would really love teen to come home from school and then gomout with mates, but his mates all live a school bus ride away, a good 5 miles and river/motorway to navigate, and teen refuses to mix with kids in our village saying they are all horrible! hopefully we will get rehoused soon and maybe get some neighbours with teenagers who he can hang out with.
well i'm off to enjoy the peace of teen asleep and have a bath then an early night!

differing expectations

my teen may describe me as old and boring but one expectation i believe is essential for all human beings is sleep. i like to be tucked up by 10pm and sleep through to at least 7am, otherwise i will be mrs grump.
well my teen doesn't agree and to start the new year he has decided not to sleep. in fact its 26 hours now since he slept. he's flagging, lots of yawning but unwilling to give in yet. he wants to break his record, one noght/day in summer hols he made it 36 hours, but it didn't end prettily as he was shattered and very very bad tempered. but has he learnt his lesson..no of course not hes a teen. i want to be a good mother and move his xbox and computer out of his room, but lacking space in our home would mean its in the main living room, and that would drive me even more mad, have to listen to him swearing with his mates on xbox live whilst killing some unknown beasties. so the stimulators stay in his room and he doesn't get enough sleep.
christmas was difficult this year, i was really tempted to get him a gaming chair but that would have encouraged more hours of sitting on his backside in front of a little screen, he really needs to get out, so i made an excutive parental decision and got him a bike, a sneaky way of getting him out, just trying to encourage his sister to take him out, along with the dog, but the weather is against me, blowing a gale and strong winds for the uphill assent out of the village. but i am determined i will get him away from that screen and out of the house, just let me enjoy the peace and quiet and non confrontation a while longerxx